Writing this to relieve my own worries.
The Island of Purity#
October 27, 2020
The Sail-less Ship#
There is a kind of purity, different from joy and sorrow. This kind of purity does not tempt you like desire, does not distance you like pain, and does not stagnate you like boredom. This kind of purity cannot be sought, but it will definitely be encountered.
I have always pursued meaning, trying to set sail. But it was in vain, drifting with the current. In the sea of desires, I gradually became numb to joy and sorrow. This kind of purity makes me linger and never want to leave, haha.
This is not a sense of security, because the concept of safety and danger no longer exists. All the powers that can cause ripples in one's heart maintain tranquility. This should be it!
Above, there is not much soul. Let me write something more appropriate.
The Black Night Lighthouse#
In this world full of troubles, fatigue, and various positive or negative aspects, I need a lighthouse in the dark night to guide me and give me hope. This lighthouse is lonely, but it shines brighter. It is the epitome of a pure life.
Others may see the lights of the city, or perhaps see lighthouses in the daytime. Who knows?
Perhaps it is because I only have a lighthouse in the vast dark night that I long for a pure life. Or is it because I long for a pure life that I only have a lighthouse? In any case, I want a pure life.
Desire for Life#
This is very pure, even though he is dead.
Hermit. There is a saying, "A small hermit hides in the wild, a middle hermit hides in the city, and a great hermit hides in the court." Even being a hermit has to be evaluated as upper, middle, or lower. It's really "the mills of God grind slowly," haha.
Writing, searching for the power within, giving people the desire for life. There are many things I want to record, things that move me, moments of sudden realization, moments of love... but none of them are necessary to keep myself awake and find the lighthouse. The evaluation of a hermit's merits and demerits is only the consideration of outsiders. This does not conflict with the hermit's own purpose.
Yesterday, I watched a very loving movie. It had no complicated plot, no cruel scenes, only pure white snow and the changing seasons. Most importantly, it was full of love, very pure.
The Gear of Leviathan#
November 2, 2020
What reasons have led me to this filthy life? I despise this way of questioning. Arguments? Deception?
I like watching "Animal World." For survival and reproduction, animals live from hand to mouth. The cruel struggle for survival makes me feel not the cruelty, but the wildness and meaning. This is the narrowest definition of survival - to live on and let the children live on. The most realistic, the most pure.
What is the current state? I have food, clothing, shelter, and transportation (physically surviving).
Compared to animals in the natural world, I can survive. But I cannot have a pure life like animals do. Because while I have obtained the basic necessities of life, I have already accumulated a lifetime of debt. I have become the lowest slave in this social structure.
I often wonder, since I have the conditions for a pure life, why can't I have it? Haha.
It's like being in a swamp, wanting to leave, but finding myself sinking deeper and deeper, eventually being swallowed by the swamp and becoming a part of it. Society attracts a person from the moment they are born. Some people enjoy this process, while others try to break free from the shackles by exerting more effort and working harder, but they all end up unable to extricate themselves. When I realized that I was trapped in it, I dared not move, waiting, waiting...
Not poor enough to do anything, not rich enough to survive in the wild. No feet on the ground, no head in the sky. No death, no survival.
As a gear of Leviathan, where do I belong? And where do you all belong?
Distant Lonely Star#
November 18, 2020, after a cold rainy night
When people come into the world, even though their eyes are open, it is still pitch black. The choices we will face in the future were not laid out for us at that time. We were left in a state of confusion, like lonely galaxies in the universe. Not only do we ask the heavens, but also where is the road? And more confusingly, where are we? Compared to a lighthouse, people are more like being in a void, and the term "distant lonely star" is more appropriate.
But the inexplicable "guidance" allows us to find infinite possibilities in the void. Just like a lighthouse, it is the gospel...
Lying Flat and Hermit#
July 11, 2021, after waking up on a summer night
I am not good at socializing. When interacting with others, I often feel that my words are not natural enough. Conversations with others are often filled with tension. I often find my own thoughts ridiculous, and others often tell me the same. It is difficult to persist in what I believe is right, and even more difficult is questioning the path I have taken.
I have always disliked people involved in psychology. When I hear what they say, I always feel that there is something wrong with me. They say that the reason for my suffering is that I didn't do what I should have done at a certain stage of life. Actually, I think what they say makes sense, but it doesn't stop me from disliking them. A few days ago, when I, who didn't like reading, accidentally came across Chekhov's "The Death of a Government Clerk," it told the story of a subordinate accidentally spitting on a general and then expressing apologies to the general in various ways, which eventually angered the general who originally didn't mind, leading to his collapse and death. This little story is powerful and very realistic. Since I have already offended many things in this world and haven't done what I should have done, there is only this left.
Recently, the term "lying flat" has become popular, and the mainstream criticizes it. I speculate that "lying flat" and "hermit" are related. No one talks about hermits anymore, and the threshold for being a hermit has become higher. It must be a middle-upper hermit. It's a bit difficult to be a hermit in the wild. Many "lower hermits" who used to exist now seem decadent and strange in the environment of "middle-upper hermits." They end up with the reputation of "lying flat." I also like lying flat, maybe because it allows me to live a pure life.
What Makes a Home?#
August 26, 2024, at night
Articles are written according to the times, and songs and poems are created according to events. This pure life has been forgotten in a corner for a long time because of its fragmented and weak logical structure. But articles do not need logic, or rather, our actions are causality. Because I often think of a pure life, I never forget this article, even though it is trivial.
Today, I am still contemplating the relationships in life, and I happen to think of a pure life. Not all lives have relationships with each other, only lives belonging to the same level of existence have life relationships. A pure life tries to minimize life relationships within the same level. Its way is not to eliminate, but to distance. Lives should not meet. It tries to establish relationships with more lives, rather than with life, to establish stronger connections within the same level of existence.
If individualism is to understand our differences from the world, then reducing life relationships within the same level is to create a realistic foundation for our original individualism, to return to our true selves, that is, "me."
The faint life relationship, like me and all the people reading this text, we have never met and will never meet. This is my text, and it is also your text. The relationship between us may only be a weak chemical transmission in a synapse of a neuron, but no one can deny the traces of birds flying.
May you all be able to return home.
A Pure Life, reconstructed on the night of August 26, 2024, just before dawn, due to the need for life relationships.