People around me often say, "You're overthinking." The pain I feel from the phrase "overthinking" is not the pain of ultimate despair in the world, but the pain I feel from their disregard for the things I value. It is a deep fear and loneliness.
The Pain of "Overthinking"#
"Overthinking."
Many people say this to me. They have been saying it since I was a child, and they still do.
Every time my inner self hears the phrase "overthinking," I feel an intense pain and anger.
I believe that something exists, but they are not concerned with the existence of certain things. Instead, they directly believe that my thoughts are "overthinking." I don't remember anyone who said "overthinking" to me trying to explain the existence or non-existence of something.
The pain I feel from the phrase "overthinking" is not the pain of subjective understanding or the despair of grasping the objective world. It is the pain I feel from their disregard for the things I value. It is a deep fear and loneliness.
However, the above pain is not worth dwelling on too much. Because I always remember that I am not writing this for myself alone, or for those who also "overthink" like me. I believe that I empathize with them.
The Influence of People Around Me#
People are easily influenced by those around them. When people around us deny our "thoughts" and consider them as "overthinking," it is fatal for us. It is terrifying when people around us don't understand. We may even be tempted by death. Although our physical bodies may disintegrate due to death, if this way of thinking is not corrected, I believe it is not good, even in death.
Recently, I have heard many cases of "suicide," both online and offline. Every time I hear about it, I feel angry. It is called "suicide," but it is actually "homicide." "They" are the people around us.
A man from a neighboring village, in his sixties, drank pesticide in front of his adopted son due to conflicts between them and died. The neighbors were threatened by the adopted son not to say that the old man died from drinking pesticide. (It is said that there may be exaggeration in the story). A young daughter from a nearby relative's house committed suicide by jumping into the river after leaving the village. She was unmarried, a university student, around twenty-nine years old. Her mother collapsed on the spot when identifying the body. It is said that the deceased had been targeted by people from the village committee.
The Threshold of Suicide and Liberation#
Disregard or targeting... People around us are the biggest factor that makes individuals close themselves off. The images of the people around us that make up our inner world will impact our inner world to varying degrees. Perhaps, when we are completely hopeless, it is when we personally want to commit suicide. The reason for being completely hopeless is that the changes in the impressions that support our world cause our world to collapse. Therefore, if you want to destroy a person, this is probably the cruelest way.
Regarding suicide, I think there is a "threshold of suicide." Once it reaches a certain level, a person will collapse and commit suicide. For me, the method to lower the threshold is to be close to similar people or stay away from dissimilar people. Imagine if everyone around me is made up of dissimilar people, it would be difficult to survive. However, if there are too many dissimilar people, staying away from them is a good method. What is considered dissimilar? It may be ideas that challenge our core beliefs, and the specific definition is difficult to determine.
The above words are difficult to express my chaotic emotions. But I can be sure that the phrase "overthinking!" always accompanies me. I will record it the next time I encounter this response. When it comes to suicide, this feeling is difficult to suppress. When I am clear-headed, I can control myself to stay away from that state as much as possible. This sudden realization came to me over two days, intermittently, and the words have already become confused.
PS: This article was revised on the night of August 25, 2024, because of the need to discuss "relationships in life" and to recall "people around us." Original article "Overthinking", written on May 15, 2021.
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