This morning, I woke up from a dream with a nauseous feeling in my stomach. I used my fingers to scrape my throat and managed to spit out some vomit. It was probably caused by eating something cold yesterday. On New Year's Eve morning, my stomach hurts, which is not a good sign.
I heard firecrackers in the distance, and even though I don't like setting off firecrackers, I pretended to hang some up. Unfortunately, I only had a broken lighter. I found out it was broken when I tried to light a fire yesterday, so I had to use gas to ignite it. Now that I want to set off firecrackers, I definitely can't use the gas stove! Helpless, I took this broken thing and tried my luck. To my surprise, the weak sparks ignited, and it greatly lifted my spirits. I feel much better this morning.
As I entered the house, I wanted to pour some hot water to soothe my throat. The strong smell of oil and blood in the house made my nausea worse. In the galgame "Song of Saya," which is one of the top ten artifacts, there may be a scene similar to the one in my mind.
For me, the Lunar New Year is not enjoyable. There is a saying that goes, "If a chicken is unlucky on the 15th of August, a pig is unlucky during the Lunar New Year, and people who fight during the Spring Festival are unlucky." I have never liked killing, especially during the Lunar New Year. Occasionally eating meat is not a problem, but the scenes during the Lunar New Year are too horrifying. The whole market is filled with people buying chickens, killing chickens, and the smell is unbearable. At any intersection with a bit of traffic, there are live cows being slaughtered, live donkeys being slaughtered, live sheep being slaughtered, all in full view. When I passed by on the road, I saw various types of sheep horns and sheepskins with bloodstains, each piled up separately. I finally understand why monsters have horns. That scene is truly horrifying...
In addition to eating something cold yesterday, which made me feel nauseous like leftover alcohol, I really want to "fast" for a few days. In the morning, I originally wanted to eat some noodles, but I didn't expect there to be a saying that you should eat vegetables on New Year's Eve morning. The food is hard to swallow. Of course, many people enjoy meat, as it is a festive tradition during the Lunar New Year. Without killing chickens and slaughtering sheep, how can there be a festive atmosphere?
But the most different thing in this world is people. Although we all have noses and eyes, our views on things can be so different. The same goes for the "festive atmosphere" and the view on "killing." Many reasons are indeed objective. When I see the killing of living creatures, regardless of whether I want to eat meat or not, I feel uncomfortable. When I smell the scent of meat, regardless of whether I want to eat it or not, I just don't like it. This is just like how I think Saya is a beautiful girl, but I would never think that a pile of minced meat could be beautiful.
Speaking of the topic of life, I have written about it many times. It all expresses my unwillingness to kill, but what about killing? I used to think being a farmer would be great, having control over the life and death of animals. But sadly, in the eyes of slave owners, farmers are just another kind of livestock that can be killed at will. Eating and being eaten, enslaving and being enslaved, it's all too common. Although I dislike this logic of "A and non-A," it is still applicable in most cases.
Let's simplify it into four situations: wanting to enslave others, not wanting to enslave others - wanting to be enslaved, not wanting to be enslaved.
Not wanting to enslave others, this situation is great.
Wanting to enslave others, wanting to be enslaved, this situation is also fine.
Wanting to enslave others, not wanting to be enslaved, this is the majority of cases. In this case, just draw your sword directly. Whether it's animals or people, when faced with this situation, they will struggle. I have always believed that the question of life and death is not as important as struggling.
I don't like killing, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to achieve my goals. Is the result important or is the process important? Neither is important; what matters is the effect you want to achieve. Is oneself important or are others important? Neither is important; what matters is one's own beliefs. I cherish life, but I am not concerned about life and death. There are things that need to be done regardless of life or death. In simple terms, I will still kill, but I am increasingly unwilling to kill. I will still be slaughtered, but I will resist regardless of life or death.
Do you think people will die? I think the idea that "people will die" is just human confusion. Death is like an airtight box, everyone is observing from the outside, what's inside? Some people say, "Death is inside." How did you see it? If you saw it, then life and death are not airtight. If you didn't see it, how do you know what's inside is death?
I don't think that the lives I or others have taken have disappeared, nor do I think that I will disappear after being killed. Reverence for life is hidden beneath "death," and only without the concept of life and death can one truly not kill. So why is it that without "death," one can feel reverence for life and not "kill"? The answer lies within the word "life."
When Zhuangzi dreamed of being a butterfly, when he returned to the so-called "reality," he found that it was New Year's Eve. This is truly a big dream. The next time someone reads this sentence, it may be New Year's Eve, or maybe it's another time. Isn't that quite dreamlike?
I really like Eren's thoughts in "Attack on Titan." We don't want to be sacrificed, and we don't want to live a meaningless life. In this game of life, let's have fun. Everyone is doing what they think is right, we are just doing it more purely. This is our way of playing the game.
Thoughts on New Year's Eve, Enslavement, and Life and Death [[2024-02-08]]