Although I am not young, I often like to cry. When I was a child, I cried when scolded by my parents. After my nose and tears were exhausted, I still felt wronged in my heart. In the end, I couldn't cry anymore, so I could only choke. At different stages of life, I still easily shed tears because of guilt towards my family or the world. Even when I rise up and put on a strong appearance, it is only to accumulate tears for the next moment of pain. I cry in my room, in my bed, or in the lake. When I cry, it's only myself, and only the uncontrollable emotions in my heart remain. Perhaps this is why primitive customs are so concerned about the heart!
When I was a child, I didn't like listening to the trumpet (suona). At that time, I liked attending weddings but not funerals. We have more "red events" and "white events" here. That's because there are sweets to eat at red events, and there will always be caramel. The more important reason is that I always feel like I'm eating dead people's flesh at white events. Whenever someone dies, we go to eat a big feast, and it always feels like that. And the offerings placed in front of the mourning hall make me feel like I want to eat something incredible. On the night before the funeral, we used to make two long fire dragons out of reeds (I only remember they were very long), and dozens of people would carry them and light them on fire, walking towards the crossroads at the village entrance. At the crossroads, we would pour a bucket of something similar to dumplings on the ground. One time, when someone was making these offerings, they asked me if I wanted to eat them, but I didn't dare. However, many years later, I no longer felt disgusted by them. I only remember the trumpets at funerals.
"The Song of the Phoenix" is indeed beautiful, but this kind of piece is only played at red events. Red events can bring both joy and sorrow. For example, the person being secretly admired by someone may not like it, and those who can't find a wife may not like it, and so on. But if it's a white event, even enemies will feel a kind of sadness. At red events, not only "The Song of the White Phoenix" is played, but also many cheerful tunes. However, there are very few tunes played at white events. In my memory, there are only two commonly used melodies, with very simple rhythms. When it's time to send off the deceased, people around come out to watch. People of a certain age will feel a bit emotional, and older people will wipe away their tears, especially some women and elderly mothers. People around will definitely discuss this deceased person and how they lived their life. When they hear the funeral trumpet sound, they sigh with sadness.
Shakespeare once said, "We cry when we are born into this group of clowns on the stage." I really like this sentence. We cry because of the clowns, but isn't crying itself a manifestation of emotions? Crying itself reflects another great power that exists in the human heart, a power to resist the power of the clowns. Desire is not evil, it's just that desire without emotions is often like a sailboat that cannot change direction, ultimately stranded on the shore. My life floats in desire, indulging in sex, craving vanity, and indulging in food and drink. This world becomes ugly and difficult to survive because of the overflow of various desires in human nature. This is not the fault of desire, just as water flows downward, a ship without a compass loses its direction, and a mountain without support rolls stones. Desire is like a wanderer longing to return home, but only eternal homesickness remains. The so-called melancholy souls are only separated by parting. Emotions discover eternity in another dimension, and even desires flow freely for it. From this perspective, the old country and the old capital are seen as flowing freely.
Is emotion a type of desire? Desire is like a wanderer who has not returned home, while emotion hopes to maintain this state, just like "I hope people can be together for a long time, even if they are thousands of miles apart." The broadest sense of desire, I think, is to reach a state of another kind of satisfaction. When this state of satisfaction equals desire itself, perhaps this is the limit!
I see that people like to talk about desire more, knowing that the world is bustling for profit, and everyone is busy for their own interests. But it seems that there is not enough attention given to emotions. I personally think that this is easy to lead to decadence, so I want to evoke memories of that feeling by talking about crying.